4 Years

Four years.

Has it really been four years? It's unbelievable.

I speak of course of the time I lost someone very important to me. Oh, she's still around sort of, and still important, just in a very different way.

When things ended I thought there was no way I would be able to handle it. They were very dark, sad times. I think I flat out ignored her for almost half a year. Maybe longer. I was hurt, brash, and headstrong. What do you expect?

Now that I look back on it, I see she has moved on, and I have too (kind of) but you know what, and it'll sound very stupid....

But if she called me up today and said she would want to try again... I wouldn't hesitate for half a second. I don't know if I approve of this yet or not. But it's the truth. Not only would I not hesitate, but I would go visit her immediately, regardless of anything else going on in my life.

I've had other relationships since, but for some reason, they just ... I don't know. They don't feel the same. Not that they should feel exactly the same since everyone is different, but I mean I guess I want them to be comparable. That's really not fair to the people in my life though.

That's really kinda pathetic isn't it?

And I think the worst part is, like the song...

"The memory now is like the picture was then
When the papers crumpled up
It can't be perfect again"

So it's a two-fold whammy... I can't remember all the fun times anymore, and I'm still holding people to this impossible ideal.

Heh. Increasingly I'm finding myself to be a horrible person.

And truly. I am tired of it.

In closing:

I want to be a hunter again
I want to see the world alone again
To take a chance on life again
So let me go
Let me leave
Let me be.

-M, punching out

 

1 Response to 4 Years

  1. Mike Santangelo Says:
    No comments allowed for this one folks.

    Just needed to clear my head.