Spring 06 Class Schedule

⊆ 12:47:00 AM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 0 responses »

Here we go...

Math Logic
- 640:461:01
- 3 Credits
- MW 1:40pm-3:00pm (SEC-216 on Busch)
Intro To Abstract Algebra Level 1
- 640:351:01
- 4 Credits
- M 10:20am-11:40am (SEC-216 on Busch)
- TF 12:00pm-1:20pm (ARC-205 on Busch)
Elementary Differential Equations
- 640:252:02
- 3 Credits
- TTh 3:20pm-4:40pm (ARC-333 on Busch)
Cryptography
- 640:348:01
- 3 Credits
- TF 10:20am-11:40am (ARC-207 on Busch)
Information Design
- 355:415:01
- 3 Credits
- M 4:30pm-7:30pm (SC-221 on College Avenue)

...
Pray for me...

-M

 

Term Grades (Fall 05)

⊆ 2:54:00 PM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 1 responses »

4 Classes.

Multivariate Calculus (Calculus Level 3): C [Comment: Vwoot! :D]
Intro to Math Reasoning (Formal Math Logic): C [Comment: Vwoot again! :D]
Web Authoring: Not Yet Posted [Comment: :( But I know I did well in this class.]
Maps and Map Reading: B+ [Comment: Aww yeah.]

Term GPA: Not Yet Known [Comment: Waiting on Web Authoring Grade.]

Well... The two important classes were passed. This is all that matters.

GO ME!

 

Notification

⊆ 1:19:00 AM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 2 responses »

Exams:

12/21: 8am-11am (Calculus 3 || Multivariate(variable) Calculus)
12pm-3pm (Formal Math Reasoning/Logic)

12/22: 8am-11am (Maps and Map Reading)
6pm-12am (Work)

Announcement(s):

Exams should not exist at 8am. This counts doubly for Math exams.
Departmental exams should not be back-to-back. This makes me sad.
I will not be available for ANYTHING on Wed or Thu. Deal with it.
I will be available for random bs between 11:30am and 5:00pm Thur.
CONTRADICTION! *gasp*

.
..
...
....
...
..
.

If you're still hear and reading this, then good for you.

-Out

 

New Song Of The Moment

⊆ 3:40:00 PM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 0 responses »

This one is by our friends, the Motley Crue...

Primal Scream!

---Begin Lyrics---

Broke dick dog
My head slung low
Tail knocked in the dirt

Time and time of being told
Trash is all I'm worth

When I was just a young boy
Had to take a little grief
Now that I'm much older
Don't put your shit on me!

Grab it and shake it!
Reach down scrape it!
You just got to...

Primal scream (scream!) and shout (shout!)
Rip that mother out!
You just gotta say...
"Hey!"
Primal scream (scream!) and shout (shout!)
Ooh, tear it out!
You just gotta say...

Janou said
Meters are red
Blow a neurotic fuse

Show a little
A little pain
Unlock a lotta truth

When daddy was a young man
His home was living hell
Mama tried to be so perfect
Now her mind's a padded cell, ya!

Grab it and shake it!
Reach down scrape it!
You just got to...

Primal scream (scream!) and shout (shout!)
Tear that sucker down!
You just gotta say...
"Hey!"
Primal scream (scream!) and shout (shout!)
Knock that timer down!
You just gotta say...
"Kick it!"

Hey man!
Get out of my face!
I deal with my problems at my own pace!
With your screwed-down, anti-human views
Deal with the pressures by playing the blues
If you wanna live life on your own terms
You gotta be willing to crash and burn!

Primal scream (scream!) and shout (shout!)
Tear that sucker down!
You just gotta say...
"Hey!"
Primal scream (scream!) and shout (shout!)
Shot that timer down!
You just gotta say...
"Kick it!"

Scream shout
Come on come on come on
Scream shout
Oh my my my
Oh yah!
Wow!

---End Lyrics---

^_^

 

Trying...

⊆ 7:22:00 AM by Mike Santangelo

To live alone...

It's been a while since I've written anything at all. Why not? Said many. I can't write anything when I am happy, I write best when I am in pain. My words form meaning on paper like blood oozing out from an open wound, I said. And it's true, for the past two or three years, I turned my back on my words and fell in love.

So here I am, tappity-tapping in front of the computer, pouring out my nonsensical ramblings, it can only mean one thing. Go figure.

It was magical. A meaning to the abyss of confusion. My missing piece of the puzzle of which I call life. But I chose to walk away. Away from what I had. I have tried so long since to find a song to say how I actually feel and why I did it. I found it in one of my old slow rock CDs.

I held you for a moment in my hands
The moment with you slipped away like sand
Through my fingers now
In front of me a choice I have to make
To carry on or simply fade away
I lose you either way
I'd like to say that it was easy
It was hard
To say goodbye
I thought I would die
Letting go of you
Was so hard to do
And I thought that it will kill me but I made it though somehow
And I'm so much stronger now

Stronger now
Warrant

You might be asking, if you loved her, you wouldn't have had walked away. Well, my friend, I loved her. With all my heart and soul. I never did care about anyone in my life and I don't think I will care about anyone the same way I did for her. I wanted to marry this person. We had plans for the future.

When I least expected it, She said choose, and I chose.
It was a difficult choice and I chose the most painful road.

Even in front of my friends, I am still the same. Looking stronger in fact but inside, I feel lost. My world is a mess again and I look for order in my work, my new found freedom and everything I wasn't allowed to do in the past year.

And many a night after she left my world, I wondered to myself, did I love her?
I did. With all my heart. Did I do my best? I guess I did in my own way.
And one thing that tormented me. Did she love me? I would like to think that she did. In her own special way. And I know she did.
Did I know what love is?
Yes I did. And I showed her my version of love. I gave everything I had inside of me, and took whatever she wanted to give.
But what did this thing called love do to me?

Love is a magical thing of sorts. The thing that inspired me to produce my best works on paper. But now? Where is the love that used to comfort me while I slept?
And yet I still dream of it, the love I seek to give me the peace I have looked for eons.
I dreamt of her, I dreamt of the peace I could have had, I dreamt of the future that I was robbed of.
Even in my hell, I dream of seeing, and touching heaven every single night. And every night I fear to dream of my heaven.

Not because I am afraid I can't tell reality from fantasy. But I fear the waking moment, because that's the point of time where I will lose everything I long for in a single second.

Maybe we are such stuff dreams are made of, then maybe I won't wake up crying to dream again. Dreams are made up of the impossible; the stuff we've left behind. The trinkets of our past that we wish we still had. But these days I can't be sure what dreams are made of anymore. And to tell you the truth, I don't think I care anymore.

Why do I still care for her then? Even till today, even when the thought of her still kills me inside?
She was kind of person you can tell anything to, no matter how bad, and I know that she'll still love me, because she knew me. I wanted to go with her. I wanted to give up all I had here to return with her. I wanted everything. But sometimes the reality slaps you hard in the face and you wake up and realize there's so much that you can't leave behind.
I remember a poem from somewhere that says. "Do not walk in front of me for I do not want to follow you. Do not walk behind me, for I do not want to lead you. Walk beside me, for it is then we will walk together."
And then she stopped walking altogether. She stopped. And she looked at us. She looked at me. Maybe she was trying to tell me something; I don't know. And she became a stranger and we drifted apart.

But I'll always love her. All my life. Maybe it'll fade away with time. But I know that when I go back there, my paradise on earth and go back to the places to where there was light and color and laughter in my world of black and white, I know I will remember her and remember how it is to love someone and to be loved in return.

But now, it's back to the shadows. To my four walls where I face every night and drive myself insane wishing I could touch her face.
But the truth remains. She's gone.

And I'm trying to live alone.

----

It's funny what you come up with at 7 in the morning when you can't sleep....

 

The **AA's Step On Another Freedom

⊆ 9:31:00 AM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 1 responses »

Apparently, we're no longer allowed to download lyrics to music we legally own. Boy, how does that work out?

To quote, "What disconcerts/disappoints me most however is that now, after fighting against illegal filesharing (something I can fully understand) and trying to shut down lyrics sites, Warner/Chappell seems to want to dictate Internet users what applications they are allowed to use for searching and browsing content on publicly available websites. I am not sure if they actually checked pearLyrics for what it does, or if they just thought, hey, let's try and just send a cease and desist letter, after all, this is just a little freeware developer and he won't risk standing up against us anyway. If they did realize that pearLyrics is just a highly specialized webbrowser, then, well, then it is indeed a black day for the freedom of Internet and the users choice of tools to use. Well, maybe they don't like caching, but then again, any webbrowser and even all the search engines use caching techniques, so where is the point? Could it be that those companies are too powerful for them to sue? And more importantly, what's next? Forbidding text editors because one might type copyrighted song lyrics? Or is it just that pearLyrics makes it too easy to find song lyrics?" (Walter Ritter)

I mean I just don't know what to say other than "What the hell?".

It's a sad day indeed when independent programmers like Ritter here get squashed on by Copyright-Crazy companies like Warner/Chappell. I really wish he woulda fought it more, but as his website indicates... It's just too costly to fight back.

And that brings us to the root of the matter...

Is the reason that the **AA's (and their members) 'win' all these settlement suits because they're right or because the people that they go after don't have the monetary resources to go up against a major corporation? On close inspection I think you'll agree that it's the latter.

What does this boil down to? Who knows. It just seems like eventually we won't be able to type our favorite song into (insert favorite search engine here) and get lyrics. No, instead we'll end up with some RIAA bullshit about how we're violating copyright by trying to access restricted material (which we technically already own)....

I'll write more on this later, but for now off to class.

And to Walter Ritter, if he ever comes across this, I'm sorry to hear about this heavy-handed treatment of you by this group. I never used your software but you can bet that I would have had I heard of it before.

Cheers,
-M

 

Song Of The Moment

⊆ 4:31:00 PM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 2 responses »

Every once in a while, I'll post a song (or lyrics to said song) to express ... well the mood. This won't happen often otherwise I'll end up posting a song every week like I used to, which kinda kills the mood of the blog.

This moment, we have Bon Jovi: Who Says You Can't Go Home

I spent 20 years trying to get out of this place
I was lookin' for something I couldn't replace
I was runnin' away from the only thing I've ever known
And like a blind dog without a bone
I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone

I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold
I've been there, done that, I ain't lookin' back
The seeds I've sown, saving dimes, spending too much time on the telephone...
Who says you can't go home...

Who says you can't go home
There's only one place that call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rolling-stone, who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back, been all around the world and
that's a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, its alright...

I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines that I would erase
I left a million mile of memories on that road
And every step I take I know that I'm not alone
You take the home from the boy, but not the boy from his home
These are my streets, the only life I've ever known, who says you can't go home

Who says you can't go home
There's only one place that call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rolling-stone, who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back, been all around the world and
that's a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, its alright...

I've been there, done that, I ain't looking back
It's been a long long road
Feels like I've never left, that's how the story goes
It doesn't matter where you are, doesn't matter where you go
If it's a million miles aways or just a mile up the road
Take it in, take it with you when you go, who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go home

There's only one place that call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rolling-stone, who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back, been around all around the world and
that's a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home

 

Status Report

⊆ 4:08:00 AM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 0 responses »

One of the people I work with was apparently excused... Without telling the rest of the lab supervisory staff.

So in short, one of our two overnighters were not around. I spent almost 45 minutes trying to find coverage before I gave up and said... "Might as well take it myself". And that brings us here and now.

I thought I was done with overnights...

But here I am. Another 6.5 hours of pay for me though. Just in time for the holidays! YAY!

-M

 

The Cantor-Shroder-Bernstein Theorem

⊆ 3:38:00 AM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 4 responses »

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present...

The Cantor-Shroder-Bernstein Theorem...

Theorem:
Suppose there are injections f: A -> B, g: B -> A. Then there is a bijection from A to B.

Proof:
Assume A and B are disjoint (A ^ B != null).
If A ^ B = null, make copies A x {0}, B x {1}.
Let C be the range of g. Let D be the range of f.


We may assume D != B otherwise f is a bijection and we’re done!
A string is a sequence a1, a2, … such that:
(1) a1 is an element of B – D (B – D != null)
(2) a2 = g(a1) which is an element of A.
(3) a3 = f(a2) which is an element of D.
(4) a4 = g(a3) which is an element of A.
* g maps B bijectively to C and so we can consider the inverse of g: C -> B.
* Let W = { for some x in A | x = a2n for some string a and n in N }
W is a subset of C.
Define h: A -> B by:
h(x) = { if x is not in W, f(x)
if x is in W, inverse of g(x) }

Claim: h is a bijection.

First, show h is 1 to 1.
Suppose x, y are in A and h(x) = h(y).
Suppose y is in W, x is not in W.
h(x) = f(x)
h(y) = inverse of g(y)
f(x) = inverse of g(y)
g(f(x)) = g(inverse of g(y))
y = g(f(x))
y is in w, so y = a2n for some string a and n in N
a2n = g(a2n-1)
y = g(f(x))
So since g is 1 to 1, f(x) = a2n-1
If n = 1, f(x) = a1 which is in B – D.
f(x) is in the Range of f which is D.
The above two lines contradict!
If n > 1, a2n-1 = f(a2n-2) = f(x)
Since f is 1 to 1, x = a2n-2 which is in W.
The above line is contradictory with our initial supposition (x is not in W).
By symmetry, x in W, y not in W yields the same result.
Either x, y are in W, or x, y are in A – W.
Suppose x, y are in W.
h(x) = inverse of g(x)
h(y) = inverse of g(y)
So x = y since inverse of g is 1 to 1 on all of C.
Supose x, y are in A – W.
h(x) = f(x)
h(y) = f(y)
So x = y since f is a bijection.
Thus h is 1 to 1.

Now, show h is onto.
Let b be in B.
Case 1: g(b) is in W.
Let x = g(b)
h(x) = inverse of g(x)
(g(b)) = inverse of g(g(b)) = b.
(x) = b.
Case 2: g(b) is not in W.
Case 2.a: b is not in D.
o there is a string a with a1 = b.
2 = g(b) which is in W.
The above contradicts with Case 2 statement g(b) is not in W!
Case 2.b: b is in D = Range of f.
There exists some x in A with f(x) = b
Suppose x is in W, then x = a2n for some string a.
f(x) = b = a2n+1 and g(b) = a2n+2 is in W
The above contradicts with Case 2 statement g(b) is not in W!
Hence x is not in W so h(x) = f(x) = b
Thus h is onto.

Thus h is a bijection.

Of course... You could view the PDF version of this which makes things a lot clearer (formatting makes the world happy!).

 

My Mentality

⊆ 1:18:00 AM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 0 responses »

There are only 4 rules to the universe and life.
1) Everything that happens can be explained as a matter of fact and probability. We may not be able to express or comprehend these facts but that does not mean they do not exist.
2) Luck does not exist. It's all a matter of skill, desire, and drive (read: motivation).
3) The only person you can count on and trust in life is yourself. Period. Yeah, you can have reliable friends but they're not always gonna be able to do what needs to be done.
4) Regrets are the signs of a person whom is not at peace with themself.

Expanding on these 4 rules...

1) Logically speaking, everything follows a system of the following manner. Cause leads to Affect (Effect? I can never remember which)...

I drank 5 beers. I am now drunk. Tommorrow I will have a hangover. Cause and affect (effect).

Plain and simple.

2) I'm tired of people wishing me good luck or any variation on the words good and luck.

Luck is a construct of a mind trying to rationalize why something happened one way when another way was more favorable.

"You won the lottery! You are soooo lucky!"
- No. They aren't lucky. It just so happens that the numbers came out the way they did. It was a completely random sequence of events which just so happened to result in your winning outcome. Hurray for you.

3) I don't know how I can explain this, but after so many years of being let down by people (loved ones, family, etc) I've decided that it's just best to stop thinking that they'll bail me out or help at the last second when I need it most.

In short, if I can't do it myself then I can do without it.

And group work is just counter-productive. Being dependant on people whom you don't really know for grades is not acceptable. Professors will push it off as a way to build teamwork skills and communication. The way I see it, it just means they have less work to grade. Lazy bums. This statement is subject to 1 and 2. Namely, not ALL professors are lazy.

4) I used to have regrets. But I learned to cope once I understood that rules 1, 2, and 3 existed. Everything happens for a reason, it was not chance, and the people/things I had regrets about were subject to my trust (which no longer gets given out easily).

However, once you see that 1 and 2 exist, regrets disappear because you realize that things happened because they were bound to happen at some point (Note: this is not fate, destiny, or some other bullshit construct, cause and affect/effect!). Since it was bound to happen, you can't regret it because it's not your fault that it happened, it just came to pass.


So. In short. If you see me acting a certain way and can't figure out why, I hope this gives you insight into my crazy ass mind.

Cheers.
-M

 

Money Making Opportunity

⊆ 1:07:00 AM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 0 responses »

OK.

Now, I'm not a big fan of spending money to make money, nor am I a fan of shamelessly self-promoting pages that I'm involved with in hopes of making a little extra scratch...

But I feel that I should spread the word about this site.

12 Daily Pro is a site where they pay you to view websites. Specifically, this is how it works.

  1. Signup
  2. Put money into your account with Stormpay (6$ intervals). This will upgrade your account to Pro status, allowing you to earn credit.
  3. Wait for your account to be verified as Pro status.
  4. Click "Start Surfing". Pages will load with a top bar indicating you are still at 12 Daily Pro. Pages must remain on your screen for 25 seconds.
    1. If you view 12 pages per day (from 12:00am to 11:59pm) you will receive 12% of your money back.
    2. This continues for 12 days.
    3. So at the end of the 12 days, you will have earned 144% of your money back, assuming you have done 12 sites per day for 12 days.
  5. This money is automatically deposited back into your Stormpay account.
Yes! This plan does work!

I deposited 72$ and earned back over 100$! It's awesome.

I thoroughly encourage you all to try it.

Sign up with Stormpay and 12 Daily Pro today!



-Mike

 

Children of the 80's

⊆ 7:53:00 PM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 3 responses »

We are children of the 80s.

The 80s ... it was a time when all we sang were Michael Jackson's Beat It and Billy Jean and We Are The World was the best song in the universe. Lionel Richie's Dancing on the Ceiling was the coolest MTV, and we didn't understand all the fuss about Madonna's iron tits. Cyndi Lauper and Boy George were the weirdest looking people around. Tiffany was every boy's dream girl and Tommy Page was the guy every girl wanted to marry, until New Kids on the Block. London Boys' dance routines were the best, and Johnny Hates Jazz's I Don't Want To Be A Hero was the song we swore by.

Freddie Mercury wasn't a singer in Queen but Flash Gordon himself. Battlestar Galactica and V were how we visualised the future, and we watched them because they looked great though we didn't understand the storylines. We watched the Love Boat cause all the adults were watching it although we didn't find it funny. The shiny black talking car in Knight Rider was the car we wanted to own when we grew up and the helicopter in Airwolf couldn't be destroyed except for a hole the size of a bullet. The Last Starfighter and Back to the Future were our favourite movies and the flimsy Tron plastic cups they gave away at Burger King were our most prized possession. We thought that Ultraman was cool though we could see the zippers on the back of the monsters. King Kong was the scariest movie we saw. Missing Sesame Street and The Electric Company was a mortal sin and we would shout at the top of our voices when the Count started counting his bats or when Big Bird started singing the alphabet. We blushed and became uncomfortable at any kiss on the TV screen. John Travolta was King on Saturday Night Fever and we knew every line in our played-to-death Grease cassette tapes. All we remember of Superman was that he could fly.

Boys' favourite cartoons were Mask and GI Joe and if we did not own at least a dozen of the action figures, we were incomplete persons (and our parents were evil). Our imaginations were limitless: headquarters was a cave under the dining table and the kitchen sink was the enemy's hideout. We memorized by heart all the verses in Visionaries and knew which robots belonged to the Autobots and which belonged to the Deceptacons, not to mention knowing the names of ALL the robots in Transformers. Smurfette was the ideal girl. We were amazed by the Rubic's Cube and prided ourselves in being able to do one side. Anyone who could complete it was god. Well, we still are amazed.

Girls' favourites were Strawberry Shortcake and Smurfs. The Carebear Countdown was their inspiration and they knew what sort of colours and stuff would fly out of their bellies when they stood in a row. Gargamel was like a particular uncle they knew. They aspired to become Barbie when they grew up, to live a big pink houses, own plastic furniture, and thought that Ken was the hunkiest guy around. Teddy bears promised that they would stay with us forever and never run away.

(For the death of us boys, we would never admit that we watch 'girlie' cartoons as well).

The 80s was a time when books were read and reread to death. We've all loved Enid Blyton's books. We felt angry when Elizabeth (The Naughtiest Girl in School) was wrongly accused of something she didn't do, and we would sit in the toilet lost in The Faraway Tree and the Wishing Chair, together with Moonface and the Saucepan Man, for hours on end until mum demanded we come out. We prided ourselves in having read all the books printed on the back of the bright blue hard covers and to our parents' dismay, we had to own every single one of them. We all wished we were Charlie and wondered what the Oompa Loompas would feel like when we bashed them up. And we could not, for our lives, understand why the adults read books with no pictures in them.

Sleeping over at a friend's place was the event of the month. A cup of milk and a plate of chocolate chip cookies were a complete meal and a proper diet. A box of crayons and plain sheets of white paper were enough to build vast empires. Hunting for spiders (and anything else that moved) in the bushes was adventure in its own right. Your friend's friend was your friend, your friend's enemy was your enemy, your enemy's friend was your enemy, and your enemy's enemy was your friend. We couldn't understand why our older brothers were so crazy over fast cars and other girls, and why our older sisters wore perfume and make-up.

The 80s. A time when friendships were made in the morning, broken in the afternoon, and remade in the evening. A time when having the same interests and hobbies qualified you as a friend. A time when most of our toys didn't have to have electricity running through them to keep us amused. If anything was wrong in the 80s, we cared not for we lived for that day, and that day only.

But most importantly for us 80s children, it was a magical era; where the world seemed to hang in a suspended state of transition … a time when the people we met and the friends we made are the ones who will stay with us till kingdom comes.

 

Rant, The First

⊆ 1:28:00 AM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 2 responses »

Rants are inevitably short, and generally are funnier than ramblings. Here we go.

Attention viewers:

People who make me go from being in a great mood to a pissed off mood WILL be ignored.

THIS MEANS YOU.

Yes, YOU. Go fuck yourself.

That is all.

---

Well, not really. There's a lot more. Lots of information that makes this rant make sense. I don't expect it to make sense to anyone because quite frankly I think 1) The people who this is about aren't reading this, 2) If they are, I know they're too ignorant to know that it is about them, and 3) Even if they are intelligent enough to realize what's going on, they won't really give a damn. Go figure.

---

I digress. It's 1:30 in the morning, I have an exam at 5:00pm, and I'm quite content with a bottle of black rum in my gut. As much as they might have pissed me off, it has passed. For now. I have to prepare my defenses for Thanksgiving.

Shields up!

Out.

 

Rambling, The Second: I'm Past This

⊆ 8:10:00 PM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 0 responses »

Now that I'm growing past this, growing up but refusing to become grey, I find I have to concentrate to tap into the old current. That old angst. And when I use it it... It seems forced to me. It's meaningful to others. It's nothing to myself.

I'm just not that person anymore. I'm not that... simperingly sweet person that everyone used to know.

Am I proud or ashamed? I am proud. I am not angry. I am not snatching back towards a life that I know is better left behind. I am muffled. I am shapeless. I have become limitless. I am liberated by impulsive moodswings. I do not contribute them to another cause of my misery. I am not these people. I am not extreme in the way they want me to be. I am content. As such I have no place in the art of ravaged and irritable souls.

I have no right to encourage pain. I love all I am. I have no right to think badly of myself. People are dying out there for christs sake. I have no right to adopt their attention.

I am no longer different except in the sense that I am the same in a time when it is thought more appealing to be not so.

My last act, my last attention seeking gesture is to show you. I have to allow you to see that I am changing, I am smiling. The tables turn, I am now plain to you, invigorating and intriguing to myself... And this makes me content.

This is everything.

This is the way it is supposed to be.


Cheers,

-M

 

Rambling, The First: The Human Condition

⊆ 11:51:00 PM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 2 responses »

The first of my comments about life. Probably one of the more important facets of life: The other sex, or the same sex depending on your point of view on life (regardless of which sex you are).

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What is attaction?

In short, the feeling you get when there's someone that you want. The unceasing barrage of thoughts, the idle daydreams, and an everpresent desire for them. It is probably one of the most difficult feelings to deal with. Singularly the most emotive, for good or for evil.

Why have attraction?

Because, in short, it's how we evolved. If any species were born without this... irrational desire to extend the species, said species would not last long in this world.

What is attraction?

In scientific terms, it's some sequences of neurochemical mechanisms which are fired off by an idea or anticipation of another. Who they are is based on what you (or rather, what your mind) believes. When you're with them, the world feels... Right. There is no other way to explain it. It's pleasing to you. You'll do anything to feel this way as much as possible, as often as possible.


So... It's all about sex?

Rather, it's about procreation. Bringing about the next generation into being, allowing the survival of the species. Sex is merely a means, because animals (as humans are) respond promptly and predictably to pleasure. Pleasure therefore becomes an efficient means to achieve the one goal of life: to create more life.

So yes. It's all about sex. But we don't think about it like that most of the time. Some of the time sounds more accurate. I digress. Because of our idle brainpower, ignorant of long chains of causation, it itself has not experienced directly nor indirectly, imagines there must be more to this emotion we experience. However! Facts are facts. Simply because the natural world hasn't explained to us in very clear terms what this powerful drive we experience is, doesn't mean we can make up irrational stories about what it is and call these explanations true. We feel. Definetly, there's no denying it. We'll always feel and the feelings will ALWAYS be real. But it doesn't change how they arise in the world and come into being.

Who are we attacted to?

I can't answer that. To be fair, I suppose I could try. I don't know what specific criteria for partner preference is, and to be honest I don't think it matters really. What matters is the fact that there is a range of acceptability when it comes to this choice. Wide or narrow the range, it doesn't matter. There is no person out there for anyone. There are instead many people who you feel would be perfect. Or even... Less than perfect (as inconceivable as this may sound, it's reality), but you would still want. Even animals that mate for life don't have a specific partner in life from birth. They have a range of choices, they pick one, for whatever reason, and stick with them. Any species which could somehow come up with such a skewed reproductive method as the there's-only-one-for-me approach would also have very little power in this world.

What's my point?

The person you like. The person before them, the person before that, and the person before them. They all fit within your range. Each of them did, and you felt at each time, that you couldn't possibly be better off with anyone else. And when you found the next person, you realize that you'd been kidding yourself. But you start believing in it again...

I will tell you now, there is no ONE person that you are MEANT to be with. There is no one person better than ALL the rest. There is another one just as good as them that you just haven't run into yet. Meet two of them at the same time... Then you've got problems.

That attraction, that longing for that ONE person... It's not the person that causes the desire. It's not the person that makes you frustrated when you're not with them. It's YOU that makes yourself feel that way. It's YOUR head. YOUR brain. YOUR neurochemical receptors at work. Yeah, guess what, you don't have any control over them. Not directly anyways. But you knew that already. Or did you? By not realizing what these signals are you set yourself up for that mythmaking. That coming-to-believe that this one person who makes you feel the way you do right at that moment is the ONLY one.

You say you need that feeling? I say an uncountable number of other people can make you feel the exact same way. Kinda scary, isn't it?

To summarize...

We are addicted to our emotions. But these drugs are created by our own bodies. We are born with the addiction. We go to the grave with it. But because it's internal to us and with us always we don't always understand it. So we think we need that certain someone. We associate our feelings with them.

WRONG.

Attraction, love, the chemical precursors are ALL there in our heads. They're there... Just... Waiting. Waiting for us to give them the right cue to get the ball rolling and start the synthesis that drives us into irrationality. I love this drug.

I LIVE for this drug.

I live for love.

But unlike many who say the same exact thing... I understand what it really is. I understand the how, the why. The reason.

It's not other people who are the drug. It's not the other people that's the drug. You've already got the drug inside of you. It's as if you've got it packed, but they have the fire to burn the restraint away. Just remember... They are not the only ones with a lighter.

You won't believe me until you go through it a couple of times and finally see it for yourself. Perhaps... This will only serve to help you understand much sooner than everyone else what exactly is going on with yourself.

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Cheers,
-M

 

Introductions

⊆ 11:33:00 PM by Mike Santangelo | ˜ 0 responses »

Welcome to my blog, Ramblings of a Gamer. Let's get the introductions out of the way so they're ... well, out of the way. o_o

I'm Mike, 21 years old, in college, and essentially more bored now than I've ever been in my entire life.

With few exceptions, there are very few times when I'm a chipper person, so don't expect HAPPY HAPPY FUN FUN JOY JOY bullshit.

I'm down to earth, very realistic, and I come off as a sarcastic bastard.

That's it for introductions.

These will be my chronicles. As you can tell from the title, I'm a gamer, I have been since I first owned a Commodore 64/128 and realized I could make BASIC games. In any case, these are the stories and ideas and events that happen in my life. Whatever's left of the 'best' years of my life.

Positings will occur whenever the hell I damn well please, and if you bitch about it, I'll ensure that you won't be able to come here again.

Well that's that, ain't it?

Welcome.